Dating someone in a 12 step program
“By working on your own emotional health, you’ll be able to meet someone at a higher level of emotional maturity and capability for love,” says Strauss. No one wants to hear about your trials and tribulations with your addictive past.” With 23 million people in recovery from addiction, there’s a good chance the person you’re dating also has been touched by addiction in some way.
Recovery is very personal, so should you open up about it with someone you barely know? The answer depends on a variety of factors, including whether you think the relationship has potential, but as a general rule it’s wise to reveal your recovery right up front. Whether it’s your recovery or some other aspect of your personality or life experience, let a prospective partner get to know you for who you really are, not who you want to be or who you think they want you to be. You must be yourself but understand that you have no privileges with your stranger partner — yet,” Dr. “It’s good to let your new partner know who you are, including your annoying parts, as long as you rein in those annoying parts for a good amount of time.
“Most people are drawn to partners at their same level of emotional development,” says Neil Strauss, author of .
“Instead of trying to ‘fix’ the other person, get help for what you can control: yourself.” Who you choose as a partner offers a wealth of insights into your own challenges. Use what you discover to heal yourself and the relationship if it’s one worth investing in.
Ask yourself: Would you feel confident introducing this person to your friends or family?
Does the person show signs of addictive thinking or behavior? “There’s no forcing this process of knowing, only ways of fooling ourselves.
But if dating people who participate in AA or NA is not your thing, than Nagy suggests dating people from SMART recovery, Secular Organizations for Sobriety, church, mental health peer support programs, therapy groups, and so on.
Her own experience, however, appears mainly limited to men in and out of 12-Step recovery programs.
But, like other ways of meeting someone, he says it’s a “roll of the dice.” It’s important to carefully vet a prospective mate and avoid feeling too familiar too quickly.Telling someone something unattractive about yourself is different than acting out those unattractive or threatening behaviors.” Once you’ve started getting to know someone, step back and consider whether the relationship is worth pursuing.In his book If these principles are at work in your relationship, your relationship has a good chance of success, says Dr. However, “if you find a dating relationship does not embody these principles, you have good grounds for calling it quits and moving on,” he writes.For those in early recovery from addiction, it’s especially important to ease into romantic relationships.
Standard advice is to hold off on dating for the first year in recovery, largely because relationships take your focus off of your own healing and, with their emotional highs and lows, are a leading cause of relapse.In the early months of recovery, you’ve given up a lot — your go-to coping strategy, your social network, your approach to life.